Jamie's Haven

http://community.livejournal.com/projectdownload/

Come on, guys, help the poor girl out. It's completely free, the downloads are so tiny they're done in an instant, and you can call it your good deed for the day.

She's not a scam artist, she's just a sick woman asking for help. No even money... just to download a file or two. You don't even have to read them or even keep them. There is absolutely NO EXCUSE not to do such a small thing when it could help so much.

...So the uniforms they give you for cooking classes are apparently hot enough to where you can't get within a foot of another person or else YOU PASS OUT FROM HEAT EXHAUSTION. I FOUND THIS OUT FIRST HAND oh wry.

Uh. Sooo I had on that coat chefs wear, a heavy apron, the checkered pants of evil eviless, a thinthin t-shirt and thinthin shorts underneath that. That, combined with people in similar outfits pressing in behind me to see the teachers demonstration BODY HEAT BAD apparently = *LulzTHUD*. Within ten seconds of starting to feel overheated, even! And I've never passed out before, and I mean EVER. I is tought leetle shit |D... Except when it comes to heat orz. >_<;;

...I apparently scared the shit out of everyone. Payback GET?! Ad also does anyone else randomly dream of being in the car while they're passed out like that or was that just my weird coming through. >_>

I was only out for about twenty seconds though guys, DON'T FREAK OUT I'M OKAY REALLY. XD;;

...My cat just got her claws hooked in my shoe. The INSIDE of my shoe, damn far in, none the less. Mom and I had to hold her and completely unlace my shoe to get her unhooked. This was after she fell off the kitchen table, shoe in tow, mind. Or rather, toe in shoe. *Headdesk* Wry.

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ Baby cousin.

Her name's Murphy~ and I got to hold and carry around for a long time~ and I fed her twice~ and played with her on her little pink fuzzy blanket~ and I burped her~ And made her fart twice by petting her head NEW BABY GAS-B-GONE TECHNIQUE GET what the hell. ♥ And did I mention ♥♥ she fell asleep on me quite a few times ♥♥ She's six weeks old and already wearing 3-6 month old sized clothing what the hell sweetie what are they feeding you. ♥ And she had the BEST reaction to my hair brushing across her cheek best 'What he shit is this' expression ever. ♥

Excuse me, I'll just be over here heartmarking. ♥♥♥

Click here to create your own painting.

...sopretty ♥ I forgot who I got it from though, haha. XD;;

...I have Special Ed. Morning Glory's growing on my fence. Wry.

No, seriously. One of them actually managed to grow up THROUGH a leaf. Through a little hole some bug ate. ...How does that even happen?! It was only halfway through, too, because I had to pull it out carefully so it could open properly, which it did in about a minute. Understandably a bit wrinkled. What. That was kid of an epic fail, tiny purple flower.

The moral of this story, boys and girls? Do Not Fuck With The Morning Glory's. They're so hard core they will drill their way up through their own leaves to get to their sunlight. Do not mess with the sulight, for it is theirs and they will get to it by any means necessary. Drill flowers, GET.

Did anyone hear about the condo fire in west Knoxville Tennessee? The big one that displaced a bunch of people and they ended up being put up in a nearby hotel - Holiday Inn Select?

...I'M TOTALLY STAYING IN THAT HOTEL RIGHT NOW NO SERIOUSLY GUYS. The parking lot is filled with smoke STILL and you can totally smell the fire. I went down to the lobby and it was FILLED with families, it was kind of sad. Damn. ...It's still kind of awesome that I'm right here, though.

67 Things Tenpou is no longer allowed to do... Anywhere

Title: 67 Things Tenpou is no longer allowed to do... Anywhere.
Author: Madame_Maya
Rating: Depends on the line. All rating present.
Warnings (if any): Some of the lines are a little questionable like last time, heh.
Summary: Title says it all, really...

1. Must not let ‘accidentally’ loan Commander Goujun a book of erotica when he asks for a book on war tactics. He knows this was not an accident at all and does not think it’s funny.
2. His wife does, though. Especially if I ask Commander why he’s blushing so hard the next day.
3. Must make sure books I loan to Goku are G rated or below. Lending him a book on teenagers’ changing bodies was not funny and gave Konzen a headache from all the questions Goku asked him.
4. And Kenren.
5. And Jiroushin.
6. And Bodhitsavva.
7. And me.
8. And whoever else happened to be within ten feet of him. Poor Commander Goujun…
9. When Konzen tells me to ‘pick out something he’d like’, I should not give him a book on hair styling. It’s not (that) funny.
10. Must not sneak up on Kenren in the hallway and make him jump six feet in the air because he didn’t hear me.
11. More than once, anyway…
12. Must eventually get a haircut, or at least let Kenren cut it for me. It does grow, even if you are immortal.
13. ‘It’s just going to grow back, anyway.’ is not an excuse to stop getting said haircuts.
14. If I want a different book while this is being done, Kenren can hand it to me. I don’t need to lean forward to do so myself, causing Kenren to have to compensate and perhaps fall on me.
15. Must not take advantage of this position to then do naughty things to him.
16. Must never again get so drunk as to start dancing. I cannot dance to save my life.
17. Especially when the song is of the Latin persuasion. This scars people for their immortal lives.
18. Must not attempt to maul Kenren when he harasses me about it the next day.
19. Must NEVER write ‘Empy’s got tentacles!’ graffiti-style across the hall, even if I am really, really bored and/or really, really drunk. I will be made to clean it up.
20. ‘It is better to beg forgiveness than to ask permission.’ no longer applies to Tenpou Gensui.
21. My sword is not an oversized kitchen utensil, so I shouldn’t slice salami and cheese for a sandwich with it.
22. The proper way to apologize for something like this does not include blinking innocently and asking if they wanted one too.
23. Even if they do say yes.
24. If the thought of something makes me giggle for longer than ten seconds, I am to assume that I am not allowed to do it.
25. When asked to give a few words at a military ceremony ‘Mimble wimble apple thimble’ is probably not appropriate.
26. No matter how many people burst into applause after I sit down.
27. Shouldn’t bring a gross of those hopping wind-up bunnies and set them loose in the audience chamber.*
28. Formation is not to be referred to as ‘that rectangle… thing… Yes, that’s the one!’
29. Really shouldn’t whistle at Kenren when he bends over to pick something up while he’s helping me clean my library. It makes him uncomfortable.
30. Or grope him during the same.
31. The above two numbers are reasons why NOT to do it, not reasons FOR doing it.
32. It’s probably not a good idea to tell Konzen or Kenren to put something on the top shelf ‘because I want to see them stretch.’
33. REALLY not a good idea when Goku is in the room. He WILL ask us why I want to see him stretch.
34. Stop giggling.
35. Blink when I’m talking to someone. They will get uneasy if I don’t and think I’m a psycho.
36. Must not send Kenren down to the holding cell to teach him a lesson just because ‘He stepped on a book.’
37. Even if I was reading it at the time. Really, he’s telling the truth when he says he didn’t see me,
38. Shouldn’t do number thirty six to anyone else, either.
39. Stop conniving with Commander Goujun’s wife.
40. Goku likes to sit in my lap and ‘read’ the book I’m holding with me. This is NOT, however, an excuse to lock the door so messengers (and Kenren and Konzen, who are probably looking frantically everywhere for him) can’t bother us, no matter how cute it is.
41. Reports are to be turned in on time, or at least only a few days late with a reasonable excuse.
42. Kenren being away on a mission is not an excuse. I should be doing them myself anyway.
43. It’s my own fault I can’t get to my desk.
44. Don’t feel up Kenren in public. He’s not shy about starting a fight.
45. Even if the two of us are in a position in which no one can see the ‘interesting place my hand found’.
46. Keep that look on my face and someone is going to make a rule about how smug one can look.
47. Even if I did finally win Kenren over.
48. (Next day) Don’t let Kenren look at my list if I’m going to put that on it.
49. No one wants to know why I have a box of inflatable monkeys.
50. Really. They don’t.
51. Don’t give Kenren Tequila and green food coloring. The man is more creative than I think.
52. Stay away from the audience chamber if I do. Or at least bring my own lubricant so I’m not out of commission for a week and a half again.
53. Shouldn’t point out the fact that fruits and vegetables were once alive, and therefore are against the ‘no kill’ rule. It’s really pointless and will probably get me sent to get a light whipping.
54. Shouldn’t moan obscenely during this, even if I do enjoy it improperly.
55. The guard owes Kenren a few favors. He WILL cash them in to fuck me senseless while I’m bound to the wall if this happens again.
56. (In Kenren’s handwriting) Number fifty five is not a reason to go through with number fifty three, just because you secretly love numbers fifty four and fifty five, damn it! Sheesh!
57. I can’t send children to the holding cells because they were rude.
58. Shouldn’t fall into a fantasy of fucking Kenren over my desk while he’s standing in front of me giving a report/helping me clean. I don’t need to be put out of commission for a week because I can’t walk.
59. Commander Goujun really does NOT need a full report of how said ‘injury’ was sustained.
60. His wife will probably steal it from him anyway.
61. Really. Stop giggling.
62. If I’m going to have ‘company’ in my office, I really should lock the door.
63. Mustn’t ask if the discoverer wants to join us. Kenren is more possessive than I thought.
64. Even if it is just Konzen.
65. Don’t put a Furby behind the Emperors chair. It’s not funny.
66. Nor should I give Goku one. He’s afraid of them, for some odd reason.
67. Must not compare lists with Kenren to get new ideas.

75 Things Kenren Is No Longer Allowed To Do In The Army

75 Things Kenren Is No Longer Allowed To Do In The Army

1. Must not swap the Bodhitsavvas’ mouth wash with vodka and green food coloring. She is a scary drunk and will attempt to hit on anything that comes within ten feet of her.
2. Must not do the same for anyone else’s mouthwash.
3. Must not spike the Emperors’ tea stock with tequila. He is also a scary drunk, though in a different way.
4. Angry orders to ‘use my fucking head’ during my missions do not refer to the head in my pants.
5. Must not offer to let youkai free if they perform sexual favors for me.
6. Must not sulk for a week after being told this.
7. Must not drink a gallon of blue food coloring before my required yearly physical. It’s not amusing and gives the doctor a heart attack.
8. Must not walk out wearing the paper gown they give me, even if they DID forget to give me back my clothes.
9. Must not sneak food coloring into anyone else’s drinks and/or food before THEIR physical.
10. Especially not red food coloring.
11. Must not sneak food coloring into their food and/or drinks any other time, either.
12. Must not ask Bodhitsavva if she can only sire children or have them herself. She will answer and/or try to prove it.
13. Must not ask Commander Goujun if his scales go below his waist.
14. Must not ask Commander Goujun if he wears so many clothes because he is ticklish. Nor must I attempt to find out if this is true myself.
15. Must not sing ‘We’re off to see the wizard!’ when leaving on a mission, no matter how many people start to sing along with me.
16. Must not use gun to poke/goose people with, on the grounds that it’s the only thing it’s good for.
17. Must not tell new subordinates that I house youkai souls in my skull pendant. Some will believe me.
18. Casual dress does not mean we’re supposed to wear a real dress.
19. Must not convince subordinates this is true.
20. Must not convince subordinates that said dress must be black, skimpy, and made of leather. This is disturbing, not funny.
21. Must not drink sake while in formation, unless I brought enough for everyone.
22. (Next day) Must not drink sake in formation even if I DID bring enough for everyone.
23. Must not belch in audience chamber, especially while someone is speaking.
24. Must not pin blame for said belch on higher-ranking officers, even if it is believable.
25. Same with burping.
26. And farting.
27. And any other sound I or anyone else can think of.
28. Must not take a bath or swim in the Bodhitsavvas’ pond.
29. Especially without clothes on. There are fish in there.
30. Do not convince subordinates to do it either, on the grounds that it is an official initiation for the army. It’s not funny, and they WILL think I’m telling the truth.
31. Must not bring any animal from lower Earth up to Heaven to be ‘Heaven’s official mascot’.
32. Especially not a cat. Li Touten and Konzen Douji are both allergic to them.
33. Must not swap cushions of their chairs with pillows filled with cat hairs after finding this out.
34. Or swap anything else with a cat hair-filled duplicate.
35. Or anything else I can think of that includes cats or cat hair.
36. Must not ask someone else to think of it for me.
37. Must not sulk a month after realizing they thought of everything I can do with cats or cat hair.
38. Must not yell ‘Dude, your fly’s open!’ while someone I don’t like is speaking in the audience chamber, no matter how interesting a color they turn.
39. Must not tie a bow or any other hair accessory to the end of Commander Goujun’s braid while he is in front of me and not paying attention. I am not a hair stylist, nor does he find it amusing. And he has a mean left hook that WILL break something if I ever attempt to do this again.
40. Must not attempt to do so on anyone else hair, either.
41. Must not spike bath incense with aphrodisiacs and hide in the bushes outside under the windows to see what happens.
42. Must not spike bath incense with aphrodisiacs even if I DON’T hide in the bushes outside the windows to see what happens.
43. Also must not spike coffee with aphrodisiacs. Tenpou drinks it sometimes and can be very persuasive.
44. The first thing to say when waking up in Tenpous’ bed after this is not ‘!@#%$$!#%’ or anything of the like. He will punch me.
45. Bodhitsavva also drinks it once in awhile. This is frightening to everyone, not just Jiroushin.
46. Must not ask Commander Goujun if he needs any help ‘getting that stick out of his ass.’ He does not find this amusing, and, again, has a mean left hook that will break something if I ask him again.
47. His wife can be scary. I should not ask her if she can help him with it instead, as she also has a pretty good left hook herself.
48. Even if she does snicker when I ask this. She only thinks it’s funny the first time.
49. Commander Goujun does not trust me within ten feet of his wife, even if I am just asking her a question.
50. ‘I was drunk.’ is not an excuse for misconduct to anyone but Tenpou. And Tenpou can always tell if I’m drunk, as he was probably with me at the time.
51. ‘Mad ninja skills’ is not something to put on my resume.
52. Nor is ‘Great in bed’.
53. No matter how many people will say this is true.
54. Must not petition this. It wastes paper.
55. ‘The leprechauns made me do it!’ is not a viable excuse. For anything.
56. Must not undress superiors with my eyes while they’re giving me orders, male or female. It makes them blush, stutter, and say the wrong things.
57. Must not follow the orders this makes them say, even if they are ‘damn interesting sounding’.
58. Tenpou is an exception to this. He will just bend me over his desk and fuck the hell out of me while still giving me the orders.
59. He expects me to listen during this.
60. Commander Goujun is also an exception to this. He will assign me something very unpleasant if he thinks I’m doing anything remotely of the sort. Or punch me if it’s overly obvious and I do it in front of others, particularly his wife.
61. Must not look at or speak to his wife in any way that could be considered the least bit inappropriate or flirtatious. He is scarily possessive of her and doesn’t trust me the least little bit off the battlefield.
62. If he doesn’t punch me for it, she will. No matter who the hell is around.
63. Must not ‘teach a lesson to’ anyone who sees his and finds this amusing. They do not deserve it.
64. Must not attempt to sell popcorn and fizzy drinks during a briefing, even if the guy is ‘fucking boring and not paying attention to any of us anyway’.
65. Even if Tenpou helps, or it was his idea.
66. Must not give Commander Goujun a daily migraine. This puts him in a bad mood, and he will give me an especially hard assignment if he thinks I’m responsible for it.
67. Must not admit that I like the hard ones. He will stop giving me them and find something even more unpleasant for me to do.
68. Must not tell all of Heaven that clothing is optional the third Friday of every month. The ugly ones will be the ones that believe me.
69. Must stop trying to catch Goujun with his wife to get incriminating pictures.
70. Especially when one or both of them is drunk.
71. Must stop snickering during briefings when any of the following numbers are mentioned: Four, eleven, forty-five, sixty-eight, sixty-nine, seventy-seven, or ninety-nine.
72. Or any other number that is also a sexual position.
73. Must not use such detail when explaining WHY I’m snickering. It gives Commander Goujun a headache.
74. Even if it does put him in a better mood in the morning.
75. Must not give coffee to the monkey. Konzen will kill me next time. Especially if it has aphrodisiacs in it.

Flowers and Rice Wine

Title: Flowers and Rice Wine.
Author: Me, Madame_Maya.
Word count: 709
Warnings: worksafe, no spoilers unless you have no clue about Konzen and Goku's relationship.
Pairing(s): Ack, it's gen! The horror!

Ah, this was the life. Good sake, great view, and best of all? No stupid cronies trying to butter him up for something.

Thump.

Kenren blinked, then looked around from his perch in the Sakura tree and squawked in surprise at the sight of Goku, less than an inch from his face. He barely grabbed another branch in time, but the sudden jerk cost him a slosh of wine.

“Agh! Monkey, don’t do that! Sheesh, how’d you even get up here so fast?” He glared mildly at the youth, who merely pouted in reply.

He sighed. Damn kid was impossible to stay mad at. “Okay, what. Did you piss off Blondie again or something?”

“Yah. But Ken-nii-chan, I wasn’t doing anything this time!” His golden eyes widened, imploring him to believe him. And damn if it didn’t always hypnotize him for a moment before he could reply! “Really! I was just sitting…”

He frowned, shaking the ridiculous thought immediately from his alcohol-addled brain. “Well, it had to be something. What were you doing when he told you to scram?”

Goku thought hard, then shrugged. “I told you, I was just sitting there! I didn’t do anything, Ken-nii-chan!”

The god sighed in frustration. “Well, even HE can’t get worked up over you just sitting there. Were you popping gum again?”

“No. He took it all.” An adorable pout. “And it was really good, too. No fair.”

“Hmm. Were you squirming around? Clapping or snapping that song Tenpou taught ya?” Yeah, that was probably it; the kid hadn’t stopped singing it since he learned it, even trying the green-eyed Marshals’ patience with it at times.

“No. He said no snacks if I sang it one more time! Or hummed. Or whistled. Remember when you taught me how to whistle? That was funny when Mister Goujun came in and thought you were gonna kiss me. I can’t believe he fell down like that, can you? It was so funny, especially since-”

Kenren quickly cut him off, fearing for his sanity. “Okay, I get it, it was funny! Sheesh. Well, had you done anything earlier?”

Goku pondered this for a minute, then shrugged. “Well, kinda. But it wasn’t anything bad or anything.”

The redhead raised an eyebrow at this - that almost guaranteed this was it. “Well, spill it, what’d you do?”

“I switched his regular ink pad for a rainbow pad. Was that bad?”

Kenren sputtered, trying to with-hold laughter without much success. “You WHAT?! Oh, shit, why the hell did you do that? You know what a fucking perfectionist he is.” Kenren mentally grinned; oh, to have been a fly on the wall for that conversation…

“Well, he’s always so grumpy, I thought it would cheer him up! You know, some color instead of boring old black and white!” He looked sad by then. “I thought he’d like it. But he got mad.”

Kenren had to slap himself mentally for getting all gooey over that one. “Yeah, it should have worked out. Maybe he’s just in a really bad mood today, huh?” He grinned. “Why don’t you bring him something else colorful instead?”

“Like what?”

He blinked. He honestly hadn’t thought that far, but whatever. “Well… Flowers! Yeah, flowers are colorful. They smell pretty good, too. He could keep them in a vase on his desk or something.” The demi-god grinned down at the golden-eyed monkey. “He’d love ‘em, I bet.”

Goku’s face lit up briefly, then his shoulders sagged. Kenren groaned.

“Now what? That was a damn good idea!”

“But… Don’t flowers die? Dead things aren’t very nice.”

Oh. “Well, you could get him new ones everyday! Yeah. They come in all kinds of colors, too.”

Goku beamed. “Oh, cool! Where do you get them?”

“C’mon, I’ll show you this once. But no telling anyone I went posy picking, got it?”

“Huh?”

“Never mind. Just follow me.” He jumped down from his look-out spot, Goku close behind. “They’re just over here…”

And thus, Konzen’s office was a little more cheerful.

Best of all, it actually WORKED on the blonde bombshell. Enough to where Kenren wound up in the hospital wing for a bump on the head from the suddenly slightly-more-than-normal-but-in-a-good-way active god. Damn but he had good aim with that ball!

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I had to dust off my writer-hat somehow, lol. Let me know how much more dusting I need to do, yes? *Scary Hakkai-smile*

Hunter and Hunted

He cleaned his gun reverently, his fingers gliding over the smooth metal as if it were made of pure gold. It was rightly so he was going out hunting in the African rainforest, and his weapon would be more important to him than food on this trip. He fingered a silencer, internally debating on whether of not he actually needed the blasted thing, then shook his head.

‘Pointless,’ he thought, the urge to chuck it into the fireplace. He’d briefly conferred with his partner about it, and had been amused by the fact that she, too, was wary about bringing it along on their short expedition. The less the better, to quote her.

His partner, unknown to him, was remotely abashed by the aloof manner he had conveyed over the phone call. She’d felt compelled to inquire about it, but hadn’t had the chance, which she was remotely ashamed of.

‘After all, which are we going to be, really,’ she thought indignantly?

The hunter or the hunted?

*Shrugs* It was a quiz; we had to write a story using these words:

Reverently
Contemplatively
Repressing
Conferred
Expedition
Abashed
Indignantly

So I did. >.< Is it awful?

Dirty Dancing, Dragon Style.”

Title: Dirty Dancing, Dragon Style.
Word count: 460, give or take. It WAS going to be a drabble, but my Goujun-muse wasn’t too happy about that, lol…
Rating: PG-13 for a rather perverted Dragon King.
Pairing: Goujun and his wife, because I've never even SEEN Goujun het.
Warnings: Worksafe. Mostly, lol...
Summary: Because all dragons need to learn how to one way or another. Goujuns’ way just happens to have a dirty undertone. Set just after Kenren arrived. Gaiden.

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“Alright, now place your hand on my hip, just like this,” the female monotreme instructed, grasping the hand in question and positioning it just above her hip. “Alright?” ‘And keep it there for more than thirty seconds this time, please. It seems to be getting extremely HEAVY and drifting lower every time we try to move…’

The dragon king blinked, “Just a moment, are we dancing or copulating?”

Emberlin barely held back a snicker as she nuzzled him affectionately, “We are dancing, of course. Or attempting to do so, at least. Why?” She smiled up him.

“Because if you place my hand any lower, we will most likely not be leaving this room anytime soon,” Goujun chuckled, shooting her a fond look.

The queen smirked, “Well, perhaps I should be teaching General Kenren how to dance, then? I daresay he would doubtlessly have no qualms concerning where his end up hands on me…”

Red eyes narrowed. Now that was just dirty pool.

He put his hand on her hip.

Emberlin chuckled, “That is a bit low for dancing in public, dear…”

“That is not my fault. You told me to put it there yourself.”

“Hmph. It never is, apparently… And no I did not, I said on my waist.”

“Of course it is not; I’m not the one that made you look like you do. How does one expect me to behave when you move like that? Particularly when you are wearing that… whatever it is you call that thing.”

“It is a leotard, you prat. It makes it easier to move. Speaking of moving, we need to be dancing, not chatting, if you're to learn before the ceremony a week from now.”

Goujun didn’t take in more than a few words, too busy giving her body an appreciative look to listen properly. “…It makes a good many things easier, actually…”

“...You are such a pervert sometimes, honestly...”

“And it still is not my fault,” Goujun stated, attempting to hide a smirk with little results.

“Of course not… Goujun, would you at least try to seem like you are not staring at me?! It is quite disconcerting, and I am trying to concentrate."

He grinned. Emberlin sighed, then chuckled.

"Oh, I give up, you never listen when we are alone..."

"Good," he murmured, bending slightly to graze his lips over her neck provocatively, drawing her closer into his embrace.

"Goujun! …Oh, go ahead, then; you win as usual… Mm…" Emberlin closed her eyes.

“Heh. Do not forget; when I win, you win as well, love…”

‘Did you assume it was your amazing persuasive skills that won the battle?’ She snickered.

He blinked at her, mildly consternated. “What are you laughing at?”

“Oh, nothing…”

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Let me know what you think, hmm?

Peace Offering

Title: Peace Offering
Author: Me, lol, Madame_Maya!
Rating: R. Straight R, lol.
Warning(s): Ahem. See rating, lol.
Notes: Inspired by Behind The Scenes by Gracie_Musica. Which was in turn inspired by my own Poor Hakkai… *Sweat drop* The bunnies are hungry tonight, lol…

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“I should be so- ARGH- pissed at you right now, Yaone,” Dokugakuji stuttered, trying desperately not to give in. She grinned at him from her place between his legs.

“Oh, hush, you know you like it. Say you forgive me, hmm?” She teasingly blew over his cock, making him shudder and buck.

“Hah! Alright, I forgive you! Just stop TEASING me already!”

Make it up to me.

Title: Make it up to me.
Author: Me, lol, Madame_Maya!
Rating: PG-13 to R.
Warning(s): Doku’s a closet exhibitionist, lol.
Notes: In which Yaone is a klutz, and Doku takes full advantage of this.

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Thud. FWOOSH!

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Yaone wailed, rushing over to the sidelines of the castles’ sparring rink.

‘That’s the fifth time in ten minutes!’ She thought as she made her way through the smoke to her lover, whom she had managed to hit in the head with yet another mislaid smoke bomb. She suddenly found herself on the floor as he stumbled into her, him on top and grinning when he saw their position.

“Doku, what are you-” She moaned.

Dokugakuji replied, nibbling on her neck. “Taking advantage of the situation. Problem?”

“But they’ll see-”

“Not with that smoke. See, it wasn’t a bad throw after all…”

Poor Hakkai…

Title: Poor Hakkai…
Author: Me, Madame_Maya!
Rating: Eh, closer to PG than PG-13.
Warning(s): Just a bit of Hakkai torture and innuendo, lol!

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Gojyo couldn’t stop grinning. Couldn’t help it, he was grinning his ASS off.

Why? Well, probably had something to do with the waitress flirting with Hakkai. No, flirting was the wrong word. She was trying her DAMNEDEST to get into his pants, and Hakkai couldn’t stop blushing. Poor guy.

“Can I get you some CREAM for your coffee, Master Cho?” She purred, pressing her rather large bust into his back. And damn if she wasn’t staring right between his legs!

“I! Uh… I’m fine?” Poor guy. Stuttering his head off. He didn’t know WHAT to do!

And damn if the monkey didn’t look homicidal…

…*Grinning madly* I can so see this happening, I’m sorry, lol… By the way? The waitress is the one we see in episode five. …*Grin* Brownies for who can tell me her name.

A (Good Kind of) Heavenly Quarrel.

Title: A (Good Kind of) Heavenly Quarrel.
Rating: Er-herm. Let’s say R for... Yeah. Lol.
Word Count: Double drabble; it wouldn’t fit in a single, lol. 198.
Notes: It’s official; I’m beyond hope. Slightly AU, but only on one count.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

Gojun and Konzen were fighting, and all of Heaven knew it. Despite the aforementioned Gods’ best efforts, all of Heaven also knew what they were fighting ABOUT. No wonder, from the amount of sheer NOISE that came from Konzen’s office during them.

CRASH. “Oi! I just got that fixed from last time, you idiot!”

THUD. “Don’t call me an idiot, Douji! And you’re the one that pushed me in the first place!”

A string of cursing. “Ah! Not so rough, baka!”

A smug sounding chuckle. “Oh, you love it. Now shut up and sit down.”

“…Fine. …Damn it, not on the papers! You can’t read them now!

“Oh, shut up. It’s completely your fault, anyway...”

“Hmph.” An moan was heard then, passed off later as a moan of pain. Like anyone believed that…

Only Gojun and Konzen would argue when they’re screwing… And the aforementioned paperwork had to be recopied. Apparently, it was smeared beyond recognition after the 'fight.' A few odd shaped creases, as well. One of which looked remarkably like a certain kamis’ butt print.

Gambling pays.

Title: Gambling pays.

Rating: G. So unlike me…

Words: 102. (Fuck. Lol.)

---------------------------------------

“What do you MEAN you don’t take credit cards?!” Sanzo demanded.

The girl replied nervously, “Um, I’m really sorry, but we don’t have a scanner yet…”

Sanzo saw red- literally- as Gojyo nudged in front of him and winked at the desk girl.

“Ignore him, he hasn’t had his meds yet,” he grinned, digging into his pocket. “This enough?”

The girl accepted the bills with a smile. “Yes, here are your keys.” Gojyo thanked her, then turned to the others with a smirk.

"Anything to say about my gambling habits NOW, Sanzo-sama?”

Title: Is He Drunk or Not?!
Word Count: 100 (On the dot! Lol.)
Rating: PG-13 for language and shonen-ai.

---

Kenren was drunk. Again.

'This is getting old,' though Konzen, who had been vouchsafed the sight of the drunken general stumbling into his office and bellowing an 'I love ya, man!' before passing out on the floor. Great. Now he had six feet of god to contend with.

He finally shrugged and went back to his paperwork. 'Maybe he'll pass off as a rug.'

Stamp the paper, flip the paper.

Stamp the paper, flip the paper.

Stamp the paper, jerk back in shocked fury and punch Kenren in the gut.

"WHY THE HELL DID YOU KISS ME?!"

Kenren just laughed.

Truth or Dare

Title: Truth or Dare

Rating: PG - PG-13 for shonen-ai.

Words: 105 (Damn it, lol.)

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Hakkai got up with a resigned look on his face, then took Goku's face gently in his hands and pressed an even gentler kiss to the blushing boys' face.

Gojyo grinned, watching his two friends kiss. 'SO not gonna let them hear the end of it. NEVER.'

Hakkai finally released a quite giddy Goku and sat back down, then pointed an accusing finger at Gojyo, blushing madly. "I am NEVER playing truth or dare with you three ever again."

"Not my fault the monkey's got a crush on you."

"'M not a monkey…"

"Whatever. And no more favors, either."

"Nope. 'M good."

Hakkai blushed harder.